I’ve been uber-clumsy these past few days, and everything seems to be getting in my way. Perhaps it’s just the play of Ganesha, or some planetary movements at work. But when I seek to describe it like that, isn’t that just some way of trying to understand and feel on top of it? Oh, good, I can relax because it’s just the opposition of Mars and Jupiter at work! It seems like I do everything I can to avoid contacting the simple fact that there are unnamable forces at work in this life that I can never understand, even (and especially) when I put a mask on them to try and relate to them. But trying to relate to them is ok too. I guess it’s really just a human urge and I have to recognize it as such.
It’s like going into psychotherapy and thinking: ok, it’s just a matter of time before I figure myself out, then I’ll be done with this pesky project of self and be able to live my life freely and fully. But the more we dig, the more ground opens up beneath our feet. The layers of the onion truly are infinite (but even to call it infinite is to limit it).
Instead, the image that comes to mind is being invited to dance with an invisible partner. We’re thrown on stage, twirled around, and sometimes thrown to the ground. But slowly slowly, when we begin to understand the workings of this partner, we begin to move with it, never knowing exactly where it’s going, but still alert and responsive to its invitations. This doesn’t mean that we won’t keep tripping over our own feet. We’ll fall over countless times. But instead of idealizing a time when we will dance the perfect dance and execute that perfect finale, we understand that the dance has no end, and that its purpose is found in every unfolding move.
The aim of self-discovery is simply to familiarize ourselves with our unconscious tendencies, not with an eye toward eliminating them, but so that we learn to work with them and bring out their hidden creative potential.